Are You The Reacher Or The Settler In Your Relationship?


“When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.”
Jess C. Scott,

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”
Lisa Kleypas,

“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.”
J.K. Rowling,

“I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.”
Haruki Murakami,

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
Carl Gustav Jung

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever”
Dave Matthews Band

“You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…. connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.”
C. JoyBell C.

“For the two of us, home isn’t a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.”
Stephanie Perkins,

“Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.”
Candace Bushnell,

“It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t coma back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain. Damn, there’s nothing like that, is there? I’ve been there and you have too. You’re nodding your head.”
Henry Rollins,

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it’s got to be the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
Andrew Boyd,

“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships – the ones that last – are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.”
Gillian Anderson

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”
Ernest Hemingway,

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?”
Nicholas Sparks,

“Why is it,” he said, one time, at the subway entrance, “I feel I’ve known you so many years?”
Ray Bradbury,

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”
Donald Miller,

“Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.”
Mae West

“There is greatness in doing something you hate for the sake of someone you love.”
Shmuley Boteach

“Start the Quiz”

  • Question of

    What do other people think of your relationship?

    • They think we’re in a toxic situation.
    • They wonder why my partner would ever want to be with someone like me.
    • They don’t think too highly of my partner.
    • They love how much we love each other.
  • Question of

    Does your partner need to change?

    • My partner needs to change a lot. They really need my help.
    • I can’t stand my partner at all anymore.
    • I love who my partner is, and I’ll support them.
    • My partner’s better than me. I’m the one who needs work.
  • Question of

    Are you jealous?

    • I’m super jealous.
    • My partner gets crazy jealous.
    • We respect and trust each other, no jealousy issues.
    • I can’t trust my partner… not after what they did before.
  • Question of

    Why has your relationship lasted?

    • Mutual love, affection, and appreciation for each other.
    • My partner’s stability has kept it going.
    • I’ve kept it afloat, since my partner is erratic.
    • Mutual loathing, at this point, but we’re both too scared to leave.
  • Question of

    What are you afraid of?

    • My partner never growing past what they are today.
    • Being stuck with my partner forever.
    • My partner leaving me behind for someone else.
    • My partner dying.
  • Question of

    Which fictional couple do you relate to?

    • Game of Thrones: I’m Daenerys, my partner is Daario.
    • Twilight: I’m Bella, my partner is Edward.
    • The Addams Family: I’m Morticia, my partner is Gomez.
    • Batman: I’m Harley Quinn, my partner is the Joker.
  • Question of

    Do you try to work out issues together?

    • Yes, we work together to resolve our issues.
    • Our issues never get resolved.
    • I have to fix the issues, since my partner never does the work.
    • I try to please my partner as much as possible, even if it hurts me.
    • See Your Result
  • Question of

    Who pays the bills?

    • We have an arrangement we’re both happy with.
    • I pay for everything, and I don’t like it.
    • My partner pays for everything, and I feel bad.
    • We’re both unhappy with our situation for different reasons.
  • Question of

    Does your partner respect you?

    • They worship the ground I walk on, annoyingly enough.
    • They despise me, as far as I can tell.
    • We both respect each other.
    • I doubt it. Why would they?
  • Question of

    Who initiates sex?

    • We both do, together.
    • We don’t have sex anymore.
    • My partner always waits for me to make the first move.
    • My partner has to be the one who starts it.
  • Question of

    Who is wearing a mask?

    • I’m the one pretending to be better.
    • My partner isn’t as good as they pretend to be.
    • I know who my partner is, and I love them for it.
    • I know who my partner is, and I hate, hate, hate them.
  • Question of

    Who do your mutual friends like better?

    • We don’t have friends anymore.
    • Our friends like us as a couple, together.
    • People always like my partner more.
    • People like me, and they just put up with my partner.
  • Question of

    Does your partner think other things are more important than you?

    • They ruin everything.
    • We’re very important in each other’s lives.
    • I have more important things in my life than relationships.
    • My partner has more important things to worry about than me.
  • Question of

    Is your partner a good person?

    • My partner is a much better person than I’ll ever be.
    • They’re a horrible person.
    • We’re both good people.
    • I think they’re okay, but should try harder.
  • Question of

    Are you attracted to your partner?

    • I’m not very attracted to them, mainly because of their low self-esteem.
    • I’m not attracted to them at all.
    • I’m very attracted to them, and they’re attracted to me.
    • I’m attracted to my partner, but I think they could do better than me.
  • Question of

    Do you trust your partner?

    • I try to, but I’m always worried and jealous.
    • I don’t trust them at all.
    • My partner is too stupid to get anything past me.
    • We trust each other.
  • Question of

    Which of these ways do your arguments tend to end?

    • I walk away, and my partner comes crawling back.
    • I beg for forgiveness.
    • Arguments don’t end, they keep going for days, weeks…
    • We find a resolution, together.
  • Question of

    Where do you see your future?

    • I hope my partner stays with me, but I don’t know if they will.
    • I see a lot of success in my future, and we’ll see if my partner is still around for it.
    • We’ll be happy together, just as we are now.
    • I really hope things will be better than the terrible mess they are now.
  • Question of

    Are you willing to compromise?

    • I’d do anything for my partner, even if it made me unhappy.
    • We’d work together to find a solution that made us both happy.
    • I have to get my way.
    • We’d be miserable with whatever ‘compromise’ we made.
  • Question of

    Does your relationship challenge you?

    • We challenge each other in unique ways.
    • We hurt each other a lot, not in a good way.
    • Nope. It’s too easy.
    • Yes, but I think I’m just making my partner worse.

Are You The Reacher Or The Settler In Your Relationship?

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