Are You The Reacher Or The Settler In Your Relationship?


“Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fell to the floor pretending to be unconscious. That was romantic, or would have been had he rushed to my side rather than stepping over my body to fetch the dustpan.”
David Sedaris, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

“If I never see you again
Charles Bukowski, Living on Luck

“Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.”
Jess C Scott, EyeLeash: A Blog Novel

“You can be in love and you can be in a relationship. But they’re not always the same thing.”
pleasefindthis, I Wrote This For You

“Being single doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means that you’re strong enough to wait for the right person.”
Niall Horan I Wrote This For You

“I could’ve sworn I was telling the truth when I told you I didn’t miss you.”
pleasefindthis, The Shack

“All I want from you is to trust me with what little you can, and grow in loving people around you with the same love I share with you. It’s not your job to change them, or to convince them. You are free to love without an agenda.”
Wm. Paul Young, The Ministry of Fear

“But it is impossible to go through life without trust; that is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself.”
Graham Greene, The Bed of Procrustes: Philosophical and Practical Aphorisms

“Love without sacrifice is like theft”
Nassim Nicholas Taleb, The Gifts of Imperfection

“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”
Diane Von Furstenberg Wealth for All: Living a Life of Success at the Edge of Your Ability

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”
Brené Brown, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

“Love lasts about seven years. That’s how long it takes for the cells of the body to totally replace themselves.”
Francois Sagan Life, the Truth, and Being Free

“Everything you want in life is a relationship away.”
Idowu Koyenikan, Finding True Love: The 4 Essential Keys to Bring You the Love of Your Life

“Single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.”
Mandy Hale, The Science of Single: One Woman’s Grand Experiment in Modern Dating, Creating Chemistry, and Finding L ove

“Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation, and conversation must have a common basis, and between two people of widely different culture the only common basis possible is the lowest level.”
Oscar Wilde Little Women

“Sometimes the most beautiful people are beautifully broken.”
robert m drake The Lucky One

“When you say “I” and “my” too much, you lose the capacity to understand the “we” and “our”.”
Steve Maraboli, 300 Questions LDS Couples Should Ask Before Marriage

“Be sure it’s your real self you’re showing. Because it is your real self that needs to be loved.”
Daphne Rose Kingma, From Within I Rise: Spiritual Triumph Over Death and Conscious Encounters with “The Divine Presence”

“I believe with all my heart that the cliches are true, that we are our own best friends and best company, and that if you’re not right for yourself, it’s impossible to be right for anyone.”
Rachel Machacek, Heart of the Matter

“She preferred imaginary heroes to real ones, because when tired of them, the former could be shut up in the tin kitchen till called for, and the latter were less manageable.”
Louisa May Alcott, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto

“How could you love us being together?” he asked me “We are nothing alike and we are not meant for each other and we drive each other crazy, you love that? How can you love that?” So I told him “I know that we’re not meant for each other, that we drive each other crazy, and that we are so different. But that’s us. That’s what we have; a wild nonsense. We are not good together, but together we are bad for each other. I love us together this way just like this. Because even if it’s no good, it’s what we have! It’s us.”
C. JoyBell C. Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.

“Every now and then, I’d meet a guy and think that we were getting along great, and suddenly I’d stop hearing from him. Not only did he stop calling, but if I happened to bump into him sometime later he always acted like I had the plague. I didn’t understand it. I still don’t. And it bothered me. It hurt me. With time, it got harder and harder to keep blaming the guys, and I eventually came to the conclusion that there was something wrong with me. That maybe I was simply meant to live my life alone.”
Nicholas Sparks, I Had a Dream About You

“If he can’t handle you at your worst then he does not deserve you at your best. Real love means seeing beyond the words spoken out of pain, and instead seeing a person’s soul.”
Shannon Alder, I Had a Dream About You

“Start the Quiz”

  • Question of

    Who is more attractive?

    • I am.
    • My partner. I don’t think I’m very attractive, even if they do.
    • We’re both really attractive.
    • Both of us are unattractive, really.
  • Question of

    Who wins arguments?

    • I win.
    • They win.
    • No one ‘wins’ our arguments, we resolve them equally.
    • We go to bed angry, unresolved.
  • Question of

    Who runs the ship?

    • I’m always having to do all the work.
    • We don’t decide on something until both of us are happy with it.
    • My partner pushes me into decisions, but I don’t always think they’re a good idea.
    • We’re always fighting about what happens next.
  • Question of

    Do you guys go out together?

    • We kinda do our own thing, and don’t go out together.
    • My partner always drags me along to things, so I try to be okay with it.
    • We enjoy doing things together!
    • The events I want to go to are more interesting than the ones my partner likes, but they come along with me.
  • Question of

    Who is smarter?

    • We’re both intelligent in our own way.
    • I’m definitely smarter than my partner.
    • I think my partner is probably smarter than I am.
    • I think my partner is kind of an idiot, honestly.
  • Question of

    If you broke up, what would happen?

    • They’d probably find someone better than me.
    • I’d sleep with someone else the next day.
    • We’d both be hurt, and probably try to be friends.
    • They’d probably try to kill me. Or I’d try to kill them.
  • Question of

    Who would break up with who?

    • I’d probably be the one to break it off, if it came down to it.
    • They’d have to be the one, I could never do it.
    • We’d have a lot of long conversations about it, and probably come to an agreement.
    • Someone would probably get killed.
  • Question of

    Who causes all the problems?

    • I cause all the problems. My partner is a saint.
    • My partner causes all the problems.
    • I think we both try really hard at the relationship, to make it work.
    • We both do terrible things to each other.
  • Question of

    Who is luckier?

    • We’re really lucky to have each other.
    • We’re terrible for each other, probably.
    • I wish my partner would step it up more.
    • I’m always worried that my partner will find someone better.
  • Question of

    Do you agree with your partner’s views?

    • Neither. Both of our views have evolved, through dialogue with each other.
    • We disagree with each other on everything. It sucks.
    • I think my partner is much smarter than I am.
    • My partner goes along with whatever I say or think, usually.
  • Question of

    Whose family do you see more?

    • We both avoid each other’s families.
    • We’d always visit my partner’s family, they don’t usually want to see mine.
    • We both would prefer to see my family more often, I think.
    • We both see each other’s families about the same amount, or would like to.
  • Question of

    Who has cheated?

    • Neither of us would ever cheat.
    • I cheated, or would cheat.
    • My partner has cheated, or would be more likely to.
    • We’ve both cheated.
  • Question of

    Do you think your partner ‘owes’ you something?

    • I owe a lot to my partner.
    • My partner owes a lot to me.
    • We both help each other a lot.
    • We’re both terrible for each other.
  • Question of

    Do you ever look at others?

    • I think about it.
    • My partner and I are committed to each other.
    • All the time.
    • I’m always worried that my partner is thinking about it.
  • Question of

    Who supports whom?

    • I’m amazed my partner can possibly put up with me.
    • I do everything.
    • We both support each other, in different ways.
    • Neither of us supports the other person at all anymore.

Tell Us About Your Last Relationship And We’ll Guess How It Ended

Are You The Reacher Or The Settler In Your Relationship?