In 1995, psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman published a book introducing most of the world to the nascent concept of emotional intelligence. The idea–that an ability to understand and manage emotions greatly increases our chances of success–quickly took off, and it went on to greatly influence the way people think about emotions and human behavior.
But what does emotional intelligence look like, as manifested in everyday life?
For the past two years, I’ve explored that question in researching my forthcoming book, EQ, Applied. In doing so, I’ve identified a number of actions that illustrate how emotional intelligence appears in the real world.
Here are 13 of them:
1. You think about feelings.
Emotional intelligence begins with what is called self- and social awareness, the ability to recognize emotions (and their impact) in both yourself and others.
That awareness begins with reflection. You ask questions like:
- What are my emotional strengths? What are my weaknesses?
- How does my current mood affect my thoughts and decision making?
- What’s going on under the surface that influences what others say or do?
Pondering questions like these yield valuable insights that can be used to your advantage.
“You develop an instant global consciousness, a people orientation, an intense dissatisfaction with the state of the world, and a compulsion to do something about it. From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch.”
―
“Did you know that in space it’s very, very cold? And there’s no oxygen? And if an astronaut fell out of a shuttle without his suit he’d die right away?”
I’m a fast learner. “But that would never happen. Because astronauts are really, really careful.”
George gives me a smile, the same dazzling sweet smile as his big brother, although at this point, with green teeth. “I might marry you,” he allows. “Do you want a big family?”
― My Life Next Door
“It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn’t feel like a giant. I felt very, very small.”
―
“Yes, there have been ET visitations. There have been crashed craft. There have been material and bodies recovered. There has been a certain amount of reverse engineering that has allowed some of these craft, or some components, to be duplicated. And there is some group of people that may or may not be associated with government at this point that have this knowledge. They have been attempting to conceal this knowledge. People in high level government have very little, if any, valid information about this. It has been the subject of disinformation in order to deflect attention and create confusion so the truth doesn’t come out. ”
― The Way of the Explorer: An Apollo Astronaut’s Journey Through the Material and Mystical Worlds
- Question of
How do you feel about spending time by yourself?
- I love it, other people are annoying!
- I don’t mind it now and then
- I’d rather be with other people
- Being alone is the WORST!
- Question of
Are you a big fan of daylight?
- Nah, it’s too bright!
- I like a bit of darkness
- I’m not bothered either way
- Wait, what?
- Question of
Pick a famous astronaut
- Buzz Aldrin
- Sally Ride
- Yuri Gagarin
- Homer Simpson in that episode of The Simpsons where he goes to space
- Question of
How attached are you to solid food?
- To be honest, I find it inconvenient
- It’s fine
- I like it, it’s meant to be solid
- As opposed to what??!
- Question of
Would you love it or hate it if you had to float around all day?
- I can’t think of anything better
- It would be pretty cool
- Could get annoying after a while
- I don’t even like jumping up and down
- Question of
How much do you know about space?
- Everything! Planets, the sun, galaxies, black holes – everything!
- I know a bit, I can name the planets
- Not much but it looks cool
- Space? That’s the bit in the sky, right?
- Question of
What’s your favourite theme park ride?
- The rollercoaster – the scarier the better!
- The chairoplanes, I like how high up they go
- The log flume it’s fun getting wet!
- The hotdog stand
- Question of
Choose a planet
- Mars
- Neptune
- Mercury
- Earth
- Question of
Choose an extreme activity
- Deep sea diving
- Bungee jumping
- Quad biking
- Knitting
- Question of
What would you pack for space?
- A guitar – got to entertain myself!
- Lots of snacks
- My phone to call home
- Suncream
- Question of
How tall are you?
- 5’1 – 6 feet
- 6’1 or taller
- 4ft – 5ft
- Question of
What would you like to have a degree in?
- Mathematics
- Psychology
- Astronomy
- Engineering
- Other
- Question of
How often do you workout every week?
- Never
- About once or twice a week
- Three times or more
- Question of
Do you get queasy easily?
- Depends
- Nope
- Yup
- Question of
You’re on the side of the road with a flat tire and a dead phone. What do you do?
- Try to get someone to pull over and help
- Push the car to the nearest car shop
- Grab the jack and change the tire