How Important Are People To You?

 

 

It is sad to see that there are many kind people who are often being used due to their habit of people-pleasing. People-pleasing can be a huge problem in many areas of life especially when it comes to career. It starts right from your salary negotiation to your day-to-day work at the office. People-pleasers tend to have lesser salary expectations and almost all companies want that type of people. Their bosses will give them more work without paying or underpaying them because they know such people will never turn them down. Co-workers will also use them as and when required. I am not saying that they do it because they really want to. They might have underlying psychological issues that they might never have addressed. Most of the time they suppress their feelings and don’t let other people know who they really are. They suppress it so much that it proves detrimental to their own health.

These underlying issues occur due to various reasons often because of their insecurity that they will not be liked or accepted in a group. They might have a bad childhood which keeps them longing for affection. Due to several such reasons, these types of people live a very toxic life.

There are many ways by which one could find if someone is a people pleaser. The most important of these traits is agreeableness. People who are highly agreeable in nature tend to be people pleasers. Accepting a wide range of perspectives is a different thing than suppressing your own thoughts for getting liked. The second-biggest identifier is apologizing, even without one’s own fault. People-pleasers often feel that they are responsible for other people’s mistakes. You must not be sorry for being you.

There are many other ways by which you could identify a people-pleaser but the fact is it is not healthy for them and they must get out of it. A single person just can’t be compatible with everyone. If you try to do so then sooner or later you will be mad. In my opinion we should be more on the opposite side of the spectrum. If you can’t do that then you will have a very hard time living your own life. Precious life.

“Ever since people first existed, they have been doing all the things we label “codependent.” They have worried themselves sick about other people. They have tried to help in ways that didn’t help. They have said yes when they meant no. They have tried to make other people see things their way. They have bent over backwards avoiding hurting people’s feelings and, in so doing, have hurt themselves. They have been afraid to trust their feelings. They have believed lies and then felt betrayed. They have wanted to get even and punish others. They have felt so angry they wanted to kill. They have struggled for their rights while other people said they didn’t have any. They have worn sackcloth because they didn’t believe they deserved silk.”
― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

“I finally know the difference between pleasing and loving, obeying and respecting. It has taken me so many years to be okay with being different, and with being this alive, this intense. (xxvi)”
― Eve Ensler, I am an Emotional Creature

“Because children take everything personally, they believe that if they are being mistreated, it’s because they haven’t been “good enough.” Being good as an adult makes them believe, incorrectly, that they have some control in life. They think that they will be rewarded for their goodness and that it will protect them from harm.”
― Marcia Sirota

“People pleasing does make it easier to ignore the red flags of abusive relationships at the very early stages especially with covert manipulators. We can also become conditioned to continually “please” if we’re used to walking on eggshells around our abuser.”
― Shahida Arabi, Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself

“Start the Quiz”

  • Question of

    How do you feel after being around people for long periods of time?

    • Anxious
    • Worn out
    • Energetic
    • Happy
  • Question of

    Are you a spontaneous person?

    • No I’m not
    • Sometimes
    • Definitely
  • Question of

    What do you usually ponder about?

    • Life in general
    • Things I have to do later
    • People in my life
    • Other
  • Question of

    How would you help a friend in need?

    • Give them a shoulder to cry on
    • Give them advice
    • Listen to them
    • I’m not sure
  • Question of

    Are you still close with your childhood friends?

    • I am actually
    • Most of them
    • Just a couple of them
    • No I’m not
  • Question of

    Would you rather be surrounded by people or alone at home?

    • Surrounded by people
    • Depends on my mood
    • Alone at home
  • Question of

    How do you feel in big crowds?

    • Excited
    • Nervous
    • Anxious
    • Curious
  • Question of

    Where did you meet your closest friends?

    • Online
    • At school
    • Work
    • Out and about
    • Other
  • Question of

    Which of these is most important to you?

    • Feeling safe
    • Friends
    • Love
    • Knowledge
  • Question of

    Are you extroverted or introverted?

    • Extroverted
    • Introverted
    • A bit of both
  • Question of

    If a day could last for 30 hours instead of 24, how would you use the extra time?

    • To sleep and finally rest
    • To go hiking, walking, climbing – anything that involves being out in the open
    • I’d finish the projects I’ve been putting off for a long time.
    • I’d listen to music and go to art galleries.
  • Question of

    Which aspect of your life are you most proud of?

    • My career/my grades
    • My love life
    • My social life
    • My physical fitness
  • Question of

    Which quality of yours has always impressed your previous partners?

    • My loyalty
    • My free spirit
    • My passion
    • My creativity
  • Question of

    According to you, what is your best quality as a partner?

    • I’m faithful and honest.
    • I’m passionate and loving.
    • I’m reliable and giving.
    • I’m fun and exciting.
  • Question of

    Which option best describes you sense of humor?

    • Smart
    • Dark
    • Edgy
    • Goofy
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