Is it an Abusive Relationship?

 

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”
John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

“I was suffering the easily foreseeable consequences. Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never dared to admit you wanted-an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with a hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is witheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy, and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore– despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have ‘that thing’ even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you’re someone he’s never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is,you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You’re a pathetic mess,unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that’s it. You have now reached infatuation’s final destination– the complete and merciless devaluation of self.” – pg 20-21”
Elizabeth Gilbert Sputnik Sweetheart

“Of course it hurt that we could never love each other in a physical way. We would have been far more happy if we had. But that was like the tides, the change of seasons–something immutable, an immovable destiny we could never alter. No matter how cleverly we might shelter it, our delicate friendship wasn’t going to last forever. We were bound to reach a dead end. That was painfully clear.”
Haruki Murakami, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

“I think you are wrong to want a heart. It makes most people unhappy. If you only knew it, you are in luck not to have a heart.”
L. Frank Baum, The Wise Man’s Fear

“nothing in this world was more difficult than love.”
Gabriel García Márquez The Goddess Test

“Books are a poor substitute for female companionship, but they are easier to find.”
Patrick Rothfuss, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

“I care,” he said in a trembling voice. “I care so much that I do not know how to tell you without it seeming inconsequential compared to how I feel. Even if I am distant at times and seem as if I do not want to be with you, it is only because this scares me, too.”
Aimee Carter, The Indigo Spell

“Don’t leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.”
Amy Sedaris, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

“Because I can’t help doing it,” he said with a shrug. “And hey, if I keep loving you, maybe you’ll eventually crack and love me too. Hell, I’m pretty sure you’re already half in love with me.”
Richelle Mead, Rules of Attraction

“All I’m telling you to do is to be smart about it. Know that if this man isn’t looking for a serious relationship, you’re not going to change his mind just because you two are going on dates and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on the Lord’s green earth-you’re capable of interesting conversation, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you’re independent (which means, to him, that you’re not going to be in his pockets)-but if he’s not ready for a serious relationship, he going to treat you like sports fish.”
Steve Harvey, Emma

“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.”
Shannon L. Alder Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

“We kiss all the time.” I clear my throat, then add, “We just…do it in private.”
Simone Elkeles, I Wrote This For You

“Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised or a little mistaken.”
Jane Austen, Max

“I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.”
Steve Maraboli, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

“You’re just another story I can’t tell anymore.”
pleasefindthis, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

“He could totally be your boyfriend,” [Angel] went on with annoying persistance. “You guys could get married. I could be like a junior bridesmaid. Total could be your flower dog.”
James Patterson, Breaking Bread: Insurgent Black Intellectual Life

“Moving on is easy. It’s staying moved on that’s trickier.”
Katerina Stoykova Klemer The English Patient

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”
Mandy Hale, Letters to a Young Poet

“A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement”
Jess C Scott Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage

“How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.”
Steve Maraboli, Wicked Lovely

“There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or simply close it.”
Shannon L. Alder All About Love: New Visions

“We have to recognise that there cannot be relationships unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is love, patience, persistence.”
Cornel West, Warbreaker

“We die containing a richness of lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have plunged into and swum up as if rivers of wisdom, characters we have climbed into as if trees, fears we have hidden in as if caves.
Michael Ondaatje, How to Win Friends and Influence People

“only someone who is ready for everything, who doesn’t exclude any experience, even the most incomprehensible, will live the relationship with another person as something alive and will himself sound the depths of his own being.”
Rainer Maria Rilke, Seven Words of Jesus and Mary: Lessons from Cana and Calvary

“Start the Quiz”

  • Question of

    Does he/she do any of the following?

    • Offensive name calling
    • Telling lies or private information about someone to others
    • Play mind games
    • Humiliate someone/ make them feel insecure/guilty
    • None of the above
  • Question of

    Does he/she do any of the following?

    • All of the above
    • Makes all the decisions for someone
    • Being the only one to define roles in a relationship
    • None of the above
    • Uses popularity, class, race or disability to manipulate someone else.
  • Question of

    Does he/she do any of the following?

    • Pressures someone to take, send or look at sexual photos
    • Breaks into someones social media profile, email, or cell phone.
    • None of the above
    • All of the above
    • Send unwanted text messages
  • Question of

    Does he/she do any of the following?

    • Smashing, destroying, or stealing property
    • None of the above
    • Abusing pets or loved ones/ displays weapons
    • Makes someone afraid by using looks, action, or gestures
    • All of the above
  • Question of

    Does he/she do any of the following?

    • All of the above
    • None of the above
    • Minimizes the impact of abuse/ saying abuse didn’t happen
    • Blaming behavior on drugs, alcohol, stress, or jealousy
    • Not taking concerns of abuse seriously/blames on victim
  • Question of

    Does he/she do any of the following?

    • Threatens to expose someones HIV status, immigration status, or private information.
    • Threatening to leave, to commit suicide, or report someone to the police
    • Makes physical threats to use physical or sexual violence/makes someone do illegal things
    • None of the above
    • All of the above
  • Question of

    Does he/she do any of the following?

    • None of the above
    • Sexually touching, grabbing, rubbing, or pinching without consent.
    • All of the above
    • Destroying or refusing to use birth control or STD protection
    • Manipulates to get sex or other sexual activity/ getting someone drunk or drugged for sex
  • Question of

    Does he/she do any of the following?

    • All of the above
    • Isolates someone from their friends or family
    • Decides who someones sees, talks to, or what he/she wears
    • None of the above
    • Controls what someone does or where he/she goes/limits outside environment
  • Question of

    Does he do any of the following?

    • Hits, scratching, shaking, choking, pinching, pushing, biting, or grabbing.
    • None of the above
    • All of the above
    • Using body size or strength against another
  • Question of

    Do any of the following occur?

    • Minor incidents being to occur
    • None of the above
    • Communication breaks down
    • You feel the need to please the abuser but it’s never enough/ tensions unbearable
    • All of the above
  • Question of

    Does he/she…

    • Promises it will never happen again
    • Blame victim/denies abuse
    • All of the above
    • None of the above
    • Apologizes for abuse
  • Question of

    Does he/she…

    • Admit when they’re wrong
    • All of the above
    • Doesn’t cancel plans
    • None of the above
    • Own up to their actions
  • Question of

    Does he/she…

    • Express their feelings and let you know its okay
    • None of the above
    • You can say what you mean and mean what you say
    • All of the above
  • Question of

    Does he/she…

    • Is faithful
    • Respect your boundaries
    • None of the above
    • All of the above
    • Respect your privacy
  • Question of

    Does he/she…

    • Values your opinions
    • None of the above
    • All of the above
    • Pay attention to you even when his friends are around
    • Listens to what you have to say
  • Question of

    Does he/she…

    • Give as much as you receive
    • All of the above
    • Do things for each other
    • Make decisions with you
    • None of the above

Is it Love? Quiz

Do You and Your Boyfriend Have a Sexy Relationship?