What % Heartbreaker Are You?

 

To understand why women outscore men, we have to look at scores for each of the four emotional intelligence skills by gender. There’s a reliable pattern in the data that points to some interesting explanations for the gap.

 

Self-Awareness

 

Self-awareness is how well you understand your own emotions in the moment, as well as how well you understand your tendencies—the people and situations you handle well and those that push your buttons. This is the one place where men and women have perfectly equal scores. It’s also a place where men have been given a bad rap. People often assume that men aren’t tuned in to their emotions or don’t understand them. Clearly, that isn’t the case. Of course, men also have a tendency to hop on this bandwagon—by feigning to have no awareness or understanding of their emotions—in the hope of avoiding any accountability for their actions. Now we know better.

 

Self-Management

 

Self-management is what you do with your emotions once you’re aware of them. Since you can’t make emotions disappear, effective self-management requires channeling your emotions into producing the behavior that you want. This is the one area where men outscored women. I believe that the best explanation for gender differences in emotional intelligence is how we are socialized growing up (reinforced by societal gender pressures we experience as adults). In the case of self-management, men are often expected to be emotionally “strong” and in control of their emotions, which may explain why they outscore women slightly.

 

Social Awareness

 

Social awareness is how well you understand the emotions and experience of other people. This requires the ability to tune in to body language and other unspoken signals, since people don’t usually come out and say what’s going on with them. This is an area where women outscore men by a fairly large margin (statistically speaking). This is also a skill that women are socialized to practice and possess from childhood in ways that men aren’t. Right or wrong, women are expected to take care of other people (and are rewarded for doing so). This gives them an upper hand when it comes to social awareness. Men, to their detriment, aren’t rewarded for social awareness in the same way that women are, and this carries over into adulthood.

“This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soulmate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

“To douchebags!” he said, gesturing to Brad. “And to girls that break your heart,” he bowed his head to me. His eyes lost focus. “And to the absolute fucking horror of losing your best friend because you were stupid enough to fall in love with her.”
― Jamie McGuire, Beautiful Disaster

“Start the Quiz”

  • Question of

    What does the word ‘chemistry’ mean to you?

    • It’s that ‘spark’ when you fall in love with someone.
    • It’s the bond between two people who like each other.
    • Beats me
    • That’s like, science stuff, right?
  • Question of

    Were you known as the popular type in school?

    • Yes, and I’m still known as the popular type in life.
    • I was pretty popular.
    • I had a brief popular phase.
    • No, I wish I had been.
  • Question of

    Why are people so attracted to you?

    • I have an attractive face and body.
    • I have the best personality around.
    • I have that mysterious quality about me.
    • Wait? They are?
  • Question of

    What’s the biggest deal breaker for you in a relationship?

    • Cheating
    • Trying to tolerate someone who is messy
    • Not giving me enough attention
    • Texting too much on a smartphone
  • Question of

    If your SO only got you a box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day, what would you say?

    • ‘You couldn’t think of something better?’
    • ‘This is all I’m worth to you?’
    • ‘They’re nice, thanks.’
    • ‘My favorite! Thank you!’
  • Question of

    Does it sting more to get your heart broken or to break someone else’s heart?

    • To get my heart broken
    • Trust me, both of these suck.
    • Probably to break someone else’s heart
    • I haven’t had these experiences yet, so I’m not sure.
  • Question of

    How can you tell when someone has a crush on you?

    • You just know!
    • When they’re all over you like a magnet
    • I’m mostly oblivious to this kind of stuff.
    • As if I know
  • Question of

    What’s your current relationship status?

    • Single and lovin’ it
    • It’s … you know … complicated.
    • Taken
    • Single and ready to mingle
  • Question of

    What makes you go from liking someone to loving them in an instant?

    • When they’re playing hard to get
    • This usually happens once I get to know someone better.
    • I try to avoid the whole ‘falling in love’ thing.
    • Well, this doesn’t really happen in an instant for me.
  • Question of

    If a date wasn’t going too well, would you end it early?

    • Of course, why would I waste more of my time?
    • Probably
    • I don’t know; I would have to feel this out more.
    • No, I don’t want to be mean.
  • Question of

    What’s the best method for breaking up with someone?

    • Just say it to their face and move on.
    • Text or phone call
    • E-mail or letter
    • I would probably get a friend to do it.
  • Question of

    How quickly do you normally heal from a breakup?

    • Pretty fast, actually
    • As long as I have a pint of ice cream, I’m good.
    • I need several months.
    • It would probably take years for me.
  • Question of

    Do you prefer short-term or long-term relationships?

    • Short-term relationships
    • I actually don’t have a preference.
    • I like to play this by ear.
    • Long-term relationships
  • Question of

    What type of deadly sin is tolerable in a relationship?

    • Pride
    • Greed
    • Envy
    • Sloth
  • Question of

    Is it difficult for you to show emotions to other people?

    • Not at all, I’m super open!
    • Sometimes it is
    • Kind of, it depends on the person.
    • Yes, and I’m still learning how to do this.
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